is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
