video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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