i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
