just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
