I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
