I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
