there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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