don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
