I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
