Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
