I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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