My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
birth control should be required to get into college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
