I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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