Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
