The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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