I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
