i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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