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I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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