I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
