What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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