Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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