his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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