it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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