There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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