Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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