____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
