you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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