I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
