They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
