Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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