Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
