i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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