thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
