Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
3 2 1 whiskey
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
