Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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