Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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