the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
