Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
