So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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