I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
