Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
