i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
