i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
