this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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