um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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