Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
