i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
