I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
