Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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