I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
