this beer tastes like vomit already
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
