I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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