You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
